Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

A viral blogging campaign about transparency, fear and anxiety; imperfections, insecurities and quirks is doing the round of the webs at the moment.  Inspired by this post from Jess of Make Under My Life  – a link led to a tweet led to a ‘flood of bloggers (who) raised their virtual hands to say that “Yes, they too were concerned / frustrated / flummoxed about the vast cavern between true reality and the presentation of “reality” on blogs.”‘

So here I go with my things… 5 things I would not normally tell you.

1. I don’t think I’m interesting.
I’m just a mum of two who lives in a quiet little town.  I work. I cook. I clean. I look after my family. I don’t do anything earth-shatteringly exciting.  Who would be interested in me?

2. Which means when it comes to this blog, I struggle with how personal it should be.
Why would anyone find anything I post / find / write about interesting enough to keep coming back?  Should I post more about my day to day life?   How much is safe to post about my kids?  Where’s the happy medium here…

3. I worry that my kids will grow up to hate me.
Why?  I have a less than stellar relationship with my parents (alright, non-existant relationship pretty well sums it up) and it scares me shitless that my kids will follow in my footsteps here.  I have friends who assure me that this will not happen.  That I’m an awesome Mum.  That I have well adjusted kids who will love me to the end of the earth and back… but what if it happens?  My entire world would fall apart.

4. I worry that people will call me a fraud.
A fake.  Conceited and contrived.  I mean, what the hell is a Conservative Hippy anyway?  The Conservative Hippy is me…. because…

5. I believe.
I believe in the healing properties of crystals.  I believe in chakras.  And chi.  Ley lines and energy.  I believe that karma will come back and bite you in the arse if you are not a nice person.  I believe in natural health and loving our planet.  I believe that the Earth is our Mother.  And I believe in ghosts – in fact I talk to them.

5. I want to make a living as a photographer.
In photography class with one of my kids the other day, I learned that Anne Geddes was raised in the same small town that I was.  This piece of information was like a light-bulb moment for me.  For me it said, if Anne Geddes can make it in the world of photography, then so can I.  And I will.

Drop by Ez’s blog for a list of bloggers who participated in the original day of authenticity.  I’ll be reading more of them through the week – their vulnerabilities, their fears, their dreams and desires – because as I read so many of them I nod my head and make a muffled sound of agreement.  We’re really not all that different – regardless of who or how, where or why we blog…

If you’ve been moved by this post and wish to be involved, please come back here and leave me a link to your post.  I’d love to read it – to nod, make those muffled sounds of agreement  and share words of encouragement with you.

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5 Responses to Things I’m Afraid To Tell You

  1. Kellie May 7, 2012 at 9:01 PM #

    Bravo lovely! Well done. Some of these I couldn’t written, especially the first one. I always think my life is quite tedious, in that respect. So I know what you mean. But I love my life and that it’s happily mundane. I would actually rather not have the alternative!

    • Tasha Chawner May 8, 2012 at 6:44 AM #

      Oh, I agree with you there Kellie – I do quite love my mundane existance, and like you wouldn’t have it any other way.
      T xo

  2. Kellie May 7, 2012 at 9:09 PM #

    Oops, supposed to be could’ve written!

  3. Jane May 11, 2012 at 10:35 AM #

    I’ve been thinking for a while about what you have written here Tasha, and I know exactly where you are coming from. We are all full of insecurities I’m sure. But then I think blogging is a bit like taking photos. The one I put into your Weekend Photo Project is a close up of a beautiful red rose, which doesn’t show the black spot on the bush and the weeds surrounding it. That is the reality but I chose to show the good bit. Is that right or wrong, I don’t know, it just is. I applaud you for your honesty and want to say to you, follow your dreams:) ( And I will try to listen to my own advice!) Cheers Jane

    • Tasha Chawner May 11, 2012 at 4:36 PM #

      So beautifully said Jane. Our reality is what it is – spots, weeds and all.
      Sometimes I think we get so caught up in our day to day realities, that our dreams can struggle to be heard. Your words of encouragement have made me smile this afternoon though – thank you Jane.
      Tasha xo

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