Doctor’s Office Waiting Room by Berlyjen on Flickr
Last night the Daughter and I watched the news report about Angelina Jolie having a preventative double mastectomy.
It led to a very adult conversation with my Beautiful Girl about cancer and breast removal and the effects that all of it can have on your family (not that I’m any expert on the subject). The whole time we were talking, I so desperately wanted to tell her what was happening to me, but I didn’t… I didn’t want to frighten her…
Today was the Wednesday (15/5/2013) Dr M. appointment – the first appointment.
I wasn’t expecting answers – in fact I was pretty sure that my GP was going to schedule me a mammogram and an ultrasound. I wasn’t disappointed. Two more days to wait and apparently I may also be subjected to a needle aspiration – where they’ll stick a very thin needle in to my right breast and remove a sample of the lump. Oh, yay….
Outwardly I’m being surprisingly calm about this all.
It’s the Husband who’s not coping all that well. For me, the nuts and bolts of the current situation is where I find myself and no amount of wishing time would stop in its tracks or rewind will change things.
Currently I haven’t spoken to anyone other than the Hubs about what is happening. We’re not telling the kids because I don’t want to alarm them. Until I know more myself, and then I’ll be able to answer questions. And I may not tell them at all. Because it’s
not the sort of thing that kids need hear.
The reality of it is that until I have these tests done, there are no answers. No one can tell me what the hell is happening. All my GP could say was “I’m very concerned due to the size of the mass.” More of the hurry up and wait.
Today’s realisation though, as I was listening to talk-back radio about older mothers, was that I am not unique in this. On any particular day – worldwide – there are many other women who are currently experiencing (almost) exactly what I am.
Why almost?
Because each of us will be bringing our own unique set of circumstances to the table. Our own way of dealing with what is happening to us. Our own defense mechanisms and support networks.
For me, it is having a Husband who is holding my hand, telling me he loves me and saying that he will be by my side on the day where I get some answers.
It is having a GP who cares enough to go in to work on her day off, to check my results and call me to have a chat.
It’s knowing that I have friends who I can count on, no matter how crazy my life gets if and/or when I lose it.
And why am I writing this?
To give a voice to that mind-altering uncertainty – to get it out of my head, because otherwise it will drive me to distraction. And to, just, maybe, let someone who is going through what I am know that they are not alone. That we will get answers. And whatever they answers are, that we will be able to deal with them.
Well I don’t like needles at the best of times but to have one in the breast, ouch! But so necessary. Yes, I hear you on the coping thing and how we react. Hubby is a great hand holder. It’s hard seeing someone you love going through crappy health stuff and not be able to wave a magic wand to fix or make things better. I forget you live in a rural area, until I read your comment from the post beforehand. I take it for granted living in a city, where my gp’s rooms is a 7 min walk if I dawdle. But it is worse for the smaller towns and rural areas.
Janine, my Hubs is a master of hand-holding – couldn’t ask for any better rock than him 🙂
We used to live 5 minutes from our nearest GP & hospital in the town we lived in before, and while we still do here, it’s a bit different to living in a larger centre. Like I mentioned before, the fact that we can’t seem to get doctors willing to work in rural areas is a big concern.
I just wonder if other countries around the world are experiencing the same sort of problems…?
T xo
Tasha it is a problem in small towns and rural areas in NZ. In fact they had another article about it on the news the other night. This has been going on for a few years. A few years ago they managed to attract gp’s from other countries and gave them lots of incentives to live and work in small towns and rural areas. But it’s still an issue here as well.
It sounds similar to what has been happening here in Australia, Janine. We’ve had a few international GP’s set up here in town, but they didn’t last all that long.
We had seen one of the international GP’s here in town when Daughter got really sick a few years back. It was really difficult to understand what he was saying and I had to get him to repeat himself a lot. When he consulted his medical journal and then told me he thought my Daughter had the mumps, was when I walked out and found our current GP.
I hope I’m not sounding xenophobic, but when it comes to you health, you need someone who is understanding and understandable…